With the childhood and teenage years I've experienced I am always asked how I dealt with such a troublesome past. People ask if I have ever talked with a therapist and I said yes but, it didn't help me. They ask how did you overcome those terrifying and heartbreaking events that occurred? I say through prayer, and usually people just laugh. I just smile back.
In my life, praying to God is like talking to a therapist, but this therapist knows me inside and out because God created me and knows me better than anyone else. I may get laughs for even saying this now but, God is my remedy. He has been the only one there for me when I've needed someone most. People ask how I know he exists and is listening? I smile back and say because I've experienced Him. That's the only true way you can know for sure is by experiencing Him.
My first experience with Him was when I was 7 years old at a youth group center. I remember being horrified because I just experienced my first abusive situation. I remember being whipped repeatedly with bare hands from my guardian over the smallest of situations. I was handled in away it left hand prints all over my body. I remember being in so much pain, and being giving pain medicine from the guardian to help ease it away, but the discomfort didn't stop.
I remember not being able to sit down on the benches at the camp I was dropped off at so my guardian could have alone time. I remember a counselor coming up to me, asking why I couldn't sit comfortably, and noticing the hand prints all over me. The counselor asked what happened of coarse, but I simply stated that I didn't want to talk about what had recently occurred, but I wanted to make the pain go away. My counselor said all pain goes away in time.
I looked at her with this look in my eye like the answer was unacceptable. Then, she got up and left me alone on the benches while she helped other children at the camp. I burst out crying. I couldn't stop. I remember crying and crying in so much pain and so mad because it just wouldn't stop.
I ended up bowing my head down into my lap in tears sobbing away saying, "Make this pain go away. Please don't let me be alone anymore." As I did I could sense white figures around me and feel these unexplained gentle touches against my cheek. I stopped crying and lifted my head up and looked around. There was nothing there anymore.
However, I knew something was there because I wasn't hurting and wasn't scared anymore. I just remember feeling this uncontrollable emotion of unconditional love all around me. I figured it was something beyond this world. I called it GOD.
Remember I was only 7 years old and knew nothing of GOD. So, how would I know he existed, unless GOD Himself made Himself present that day to me by sending His angels and those vibes of great comfort.
I learned at a very young age, through a very painful experience, that saying a prayer is powerful. Prayers do get heard and there is something beyond this world that will and can help us when we need it. For me, I still call it God and as life has gone on I know it's God because I have experienced Him in more ways than just the one I just shared.
I'm sure some of you may still be laughing and in disbelief, but I dare you to pray in your desperate hours in pain. I'm sure God will be there for you providing you comfort and love even if it's in the smallest form until He can find you away out of the misery.
For me, not only did I experience His peace on that dreadful discomforting day, but I felt what unconditional love feels like. Unconditional love is knowing that know matter what occurs in your own life, that unconditional love is always there through good and through bad know matter what occurs. That kind of love goes no where. That kind of love is God.
We all at one point or another want to see into the future, or find answers to everyday question. Some of us want to know answers about love, relationships, and friends. Others want answers to a new career and job. While others want to know where they belong and fit in, in this world.
The answer are all around. There are signs that appear in our lives each and every day and some of us don't even know it. The answers to all your questions, you actually hold and can find in your every day life. Your probably wondering how, right? Well, let me share my story.
Throughout my life I've always wondered where I belonged. I went through a load of ups and downs as many of you may know if you have read some of my other story's on-line. For those of you who don't know my story I come from an abusive past filled with violence and crime. I haven't always had the best of jobs or places to live either. I never understood why bad things kept happening to me. All I knew is I wanted my luck to change. So, I prayed and asked God to send me signs that would help show me the way onto a road filled with love, luck, joy, and happiness. Sure enough he had answered my prayers and given me more than enough signs to guide me.
The past two years of my life were filled with sadness. No hope could be seen in my eyes. I wanted to commit suicide and be gone from this world. I felt like I didn't belong. So I asked, "God give me a reason to keep going"!
Sure enough he put a man into my life who was filled with life and joy in his soul. I met this man, believe it or not, at my work place. I worked at Fashion Bug a retail clothing store.
This man all handsome, tall, blue eyed, and dark hair comes strolling in on April Fools Day and started chatting with me as I was hang bras on hangers. He was making jokes and talking about getting together with me and going for some ice cream and then handed me his number.
As soon as he left my work I laughed and turned to a co-worker and said, "Yeah right like he really wants to hang with me!"
I seriously thought it was a big joke. I was like, " Its April Fools Day! He's probably just playing a joke"!
Well that night after work I decide to text message him. Sure enough he text me back all surprised saying " No one ever contacts me after I give them my number"!
I text back " Well I just did"! next thing I know the phone is ringing and its him. I answered the phone and we talked for hours about everything you could possibly imagine. That was the start of a beautiful relationship that also saved my life and gave it meaning.
However we did have our bumps. We broke up after a year and a half because of certain situations that had occurred, which wasn't either of our faults.
For about a month we fought over this situation and about problems. I remember him seeing another girl. I was so heart broken.
But, for the time we lived in the apartment together there was this little yellow kitten that would come up the stairs and sit and watch us together. The kitten would be there looking up at us with love and passion in his eyes being all cute.
Soon after we broke up and I had left, the kitten would be at the bottom of the stairs at night when my Boyfriend got home from work instead of the top. The kitten was looking at him like, " You dumb ass you let the best thing in your life go! Go get her back"!
But my boyfriend didn't. My boyfriend ended up going on a trip to Indiana to see his brother and while he was one the trip going to certain places they were playing my favorite music from Keith Urban and he was remind of me. Then his brother said, " Lets go to the Zoo". My boyfriend went with his brother to the zoo and once again was reminded of me just by looking at the elephants. I loved animals and My Boyfriend and I would go and see them all the time.
Mean while I am completely a mess and confused and not sure where I am. My heart was filled with so much sadness because of this situation. I didn't understand or remember a whole lot about things. I knew I had this sadness inside and all I did was cry and stay in a room of darkness praying to God to bring him back into my life.
Well, one day I decided to get out of bed and check my email and sure enough my Boyfriend was back from his trip and had emailed me saying he missed me and wanted to see me really soon.
That night, I called him and he came. I remember being so happy. He told me about the kitten and he said the kitten misses you and looks at me like I'm a dumb ass.
I looked at My boyfriend and said, "You are now take me home."
My boyfriend and I didn't get back together right away, but after a couple weeks we did. I went home and the kitten was back at the top of the stairs watching us.
You see, there are always signs telling you something. For my Boyfriend and I it was the kitten showing us that we belonged together. All you have to do is pay attention to the signs in your life to get through your ups and downs. Who knows maybe the signs will lead to something you never expected to happen! Maybe something amazing!
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