My healing it starts with a blank canvas, the colors of my heart, some tear drops and the feelings that cripple me to the point I cannot express in away people understand. I heal through painting out my pain. Some of the best pieces of work I have ever created come from the deepest darkest places of me. Without those places, I cannot feel and I cannot paint. Instead, I shut down. I become cold and I allow no one in. Painting keeps me alive. It keeps me dealing in away that’s healing. It keeps me feeling. It keeps me, being who I am.
I may not handle or deal with situations by visiting a therapist or talking it out with family or friends, but I deal through my art and through praying. Socially, I have always had a hard time expressing my feelings and sharing my painfully horrifying very personal stories with others. It’s not because I fear talking about my experiences or because I don’t want to share my experiences to help others. It’s just, every time I have ever opened my mouth and shared my tragedies with others, it caused me more pain and grief, and I refuse to feel more of it.
So, the way I release that horrifying pain inside me that wants out is by quietly praying to God and painting. As I share with God every bit of hurt inside me, my eyes fill up with tears, my heartaches to the point I can barely breathe and I become choked up. As I keep on talking with God, I pick up a paintbrush and paint. I paint all those tears and hurt into my painting with the colors I feel provide me with healing. By the time I am done, I've released every once of hurt inside me and wind up with this beautiful masterpiece that shows the colors of my pain, which everyone can see in away that’s more cheerful than the stories inside me that caused great grief once upon a time.
Not many want to hear a sad story, but there are many that want to see the beauty that comes from it. I rather share beauty than the destruction that once tried tearing me apart. For me, painting and praying heals, and my paintings bring joy to others.
I never regretted any of the storms that have showered pain upon my life. I've embraced them and allowed them to make me, me. I’ve used those storms to create rainbows which now hang on peoples walls to help bring some colorful happiness into their lives.
